Daughters, children in general perplex me a lot. I have three daughters.  The eldest is 29 in six days.  She is the most and the least complicated of all.  She is married and her husband adores her.  She has the most marvelous daughter.  Actually, more like a clone really.  In looks anyway.  In personality, she is much different than her mother. Which is good.  Her mother can get on my last nerve, but she is the most considerate and kind of all the children.  She does have her moments, but then so do I.

 

 When I procreated, it was as if I was split.  Each of my children, biological or not, ( I have two biological children, two by painless birth) got a bit of me, but DID NOT get the other bits of me.

 

How weird is that?  Now my oldest, she got the sensitive, caring, easily hurt part of me that coats itself in bravado to get through the day.  She has layers upon layers, and truly I think no one, including me has penetrated all the layers.  I may have come closer than any other living soul, but perhaps not.

 

My second daughter, the one with the most problems now, she got the intelligent, smart ass, (well, they ALL got a bit of that part of me actually), REALLY STUPID part of me.  The rebellious part of me.  The “I have to live it to know it” part of me.  I feel bad for her.  Sometimes.  Other times, I hate her.  But it is like hating myself when I do.

 

My son, he is the most stubborn soul on earth. An example. When he was about um…15 or so, he had to mow the back yard.  Our yard was about 40 x 100.  fenced.

 

He would start out on the OUTSIDE of the area.  With the discharge chute pointed to the INSIDE of the area.  So the grass that was cut was being thrust out with force AGAINST THE GRASS THAT WAS NOT CUT.

 

Now any SANE person would have figured this out all by themselves.  Not him. I told him.  He ignored me.  When he was through, the yard looked like crap.  So, me, being me, told him to go and mow it all over again.  Which he did. With an attitude.  The SAME way.  And it looked like shit again.  So I told him to go and do it again. Which he did, with an attitude, the SAME way….(can you see where this is going?)

 

Finally, my husband and him got in a fight, I intervened, and my husband went out and did it.  I didn’t want him to. For a lot of reasons.  Firstly, he is crippled and fat. So, he hurts and the heart attack he didn’t have could have killed him.  Not to mention that his blood pressure was probably sky high from the argument.

 

But also because my son learned nothing.  And I felt that if I had made him go out and mow it six or seven times until I was satisfied, and it happened week after week, WITHOUT me correcting his mowing, just letting him know what my expectations were, and holding him TO those expectations, eventually (he happens to be quite intelligent, actually, they all are, just stupid at the same time in different ways – oh. Wait, that is called children.) well, anyway, eventually, he would have figured it out.

 

But alas, for my husband’s temper, it never got to that point.  Today my son is almost 21.  and he STILL hasn’t learned that lesson.  And he NEEDED to learn that lesson when he was 15.

 

Best laid plans of mice and men are oft to go astray.

 

My last child, the baby.  She gets the most, manipulates the most is the most spoiled and thinks she gets away with all of it.  But she doesn’t. fact is, I do have her number.

 

Right now, she lives with her biological mother.  (my husband’s ex wife). And she plays games with all of us.  I know that about her, and love her anyway.  She has grown up with two mom’s. that isn’t easy for anyone.  And, she grew up with asking a parent for something, being told no for good and regular reasons, and just simply went down the parental/grandparental line until she got a yes.  And, she still does it. Over and over again.

 

The day will come when it will all blow up in her face.  She has hurt me more deeply than any other child of mine (well, except for the 2nd daughter – actually, they are about even there) and doesn’t even know it. Safely I say that, because I don’t think she reads my blogs, only my oldest and my niece do. And they are old enough to deal with it.

 

The second daughter, she is the junkie whose children my husband and I went to court and took off her.  She lives with us now, clean. For how long I don’t know. She is pregnant to the drunk.

 

He got the shit kicked out of him last night. Literally.  By four guys.  He is now missing teeth, most noticeably the two front ones.  He is 33 years old.  Now.

 

You’d THINK,. (but you’d be wrong) that someone 33 years old would know enough to not get drunk and run his mouth in a bar.  NOPE.

 

So he calls us at 2:30 am drunk, hurt, crying and of course, we, being the humane and caring IDIOTS that we are, dear husband gets out of bed, gets dressed and drives through a massive rain storm where there is literally six inches of water on the interstate, drives 45 MILES TO GO into town and get this idiot.  The idiot is standing at the prearranged spot, a gas station.  and,  he is holding the handle part of a DIESEL fuel pump up to his ear, talking to it.  talking to someone on it.  (i would love to know what the OTHER end of the conversation was...)  the cops are there.  this is our old town which we moved from two years ago.  fortunately for the drunk, the cops all know my husband, which is why the drunk did NOT go to jail.

 

Who is right now sleeping off the drunk in the bedroom, bleeding on the pillow of his pregnant girlfriend, my daughter the recovering junkie.

 

How bizarre a life do we lead?

 

This is SO not what I expected. 

 

I think i need to go on Oprah and let the world know that all this happens to anyone.

 

I am very confused. 

 

I saw a coffee cup once.  I should have bought it right then, but I was on my way out of the pharmacy in a big hurry.  Have you ever noticed how MUCH of important things we MISS cause we are in a hurry?

 

The coffee cup said.

 

LIFE – it is NOT like the brochure.

 

How profound.