I don't really know how to describe my life anymore. Stranger than fiction. Weirder than fact. More bizarre than a virgin at Mardi Gras.

It's Monday evening. Let me rewind to Saturday. Those of you fair readers who have followed the Cracker Factory already know the saga of the wayward child. She goes to the methadone clinic tomorrow. Soon to hopefully be followed by a residential (please read NOT LIVING IN MY HOME ANY LONGER) treatment facility.

Sunday morning, I washed the laundry. All seven loads. And then, I ran the dishwasher. It was a quiet, blue skied, lovely day. Breezy clouds floated fluffily overhead in the Ohio atmosphere. The kind of day that even though you have a clothes dryer, you would think about hanging your laundry out on the clothesline to dry, just for the wonderful aroma, well, you would if you were anyone but me. Downy aroma is just dandy in MY book.

DH (dear hubby) was quietly not doing anything to irritate me, a blessing on any day. Not that he is irritating. He isn't. But he IS funny. Really funny. The nice part of that is that conversations at the Cracker Factory are hardly ever boring. Hard to follow? Definately. Sidesplitting? Often. But the DOWNSIDE is that all that humor can, well, get on my last nerve. And lately, I don't have a lot of nerves left to get on.

After all the dishes were put away, the laundry folded and put away (my pet peeve, if you are going to wash and dry it, then put it away!) I thought to myself "Self ! Why not take a nice glass of Merlot, calgon, the remote and a bath, and put them all together and see if this isn't relaxing." So, self and I went right into the bathroom to do just that.

3" of water later, we ran out of hot. Ah well, I thought. Maybe a few minutes more to let the hot water heater recover from all that laundry and dishes. So I sat there shushing the water up over my legs, watching the news and sipping my wine.

10 minutes later, still no hot. So, I got out and put on my robe, thought I'd just take a break for a few more minutes, you know, until there WAS hot water.

10 minutes later, I went back into the bathroom. Cold.

Houston? We have a problem. Asked DH to put his pants and shoes on and run to Home Depot and buy new elements for the hot water heater. I didn't want to go, and I didn't want to leave the kidlets with wayward daughter/their mother, so I sent HER with DH. I told DH that I would go ahead and drain the hot water tank and have it all ready when he got back.

So, I removed the wall panel behind which the hot water tank is located. Then I went out into the garage and got the hose. Which didn't fit on the water drain spigot because the lip of the 2 x 4 was in the way. So then I had to go out to the garage to find a saw. Which I did not. So then I went to the neighbors to borrow HER hose which I thought would fit. But it didn't. So then, she and I both put our heads together to see what we could collectively come up with, which was nothing.

Frustrated very much at this point, I went and got DH's old pocket knife and a hammer. That worked. It was a bit messy, but you'll have that. Besides, it felt extremely good to BASH.

Hooked up the hose. Remembered what happened LAST time I tried to do electric. When you are about to change the pigtail on a dryer, and have not yet done it, do NOT look at the new pigtail (the plug for those of you not electrically astute) and wonder "is this really gonna fit in the plug right?"

Because the NEXT STEP from wondering that is to turn around, holding the pigtail in your hand, and you will PLUG it in to the outlet.

The NEXT thing that happens is that you will be sent flying about 20 feet or into the nearest wall in that 20 feet span, IF you have forgotton to SHUT OFF THE ELECTRIC which I precisely what I forgot to do. And for the questioning, it takes approximately 6 months for all your body hair to grow back.

So. Smarter now, BEFORE I turned the valve to empty the water out, I shut off the breaker. Turned the valve and emptied the hot water tank. Or. So. I. Thought.

Turns out there are TWO tanks in there. And, only the BOTTOM tank empties all the way. Thank God for turning off the power. I seem to recall that water and electricity do not mix well.

However, God loving me goes one hell of a long way, so I discovered shortly that as soon as you loosen the top element, it releases the vacuum and the water flows into the lower tank. Which then takes a really long time to empty. It did however, give me time to hear about the neighbors date the night before.

Finally, both elements out. DH and WD (wayward daughter) come home. DH offers to put the new elements in. He is so sweet. Do I accept? Nope. I looked him right in the eye and bravely said...

"I went this far. I will finish."

God. I am SO DUMB.

Turns out we needed the thermostat replaced as well. But DH had already PURCHASED those. What a wonderful man I married.

I did get through all of that. And, you'd think that doing all that, I would have remembered that my trusty Grand Am had overheated on the way home Friday. You know, thermostat. Hot. Radiator. Steam. Water.

Those are all sort of interconnected. Right?

So, feeling rather full of myself, I went to bed after settling the kidlets down etc.

And woke up this morning. Did the morning school thingy.

Grabbed my keys and suddenly remembered.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO CHANGE THE THERMOSTAT IN MY CAR.

Mad at this point at someone, but not knowing who, I decide that I can probably make it into town.

I was wrong.

But I did make it almost to the kidlet's school. We only had to walk about 6 blocks. 2 of them are uphill. That is NOT fun in the morning when it is not even 8 a.m. yet.

Then, I got to walk to my boss's (best friend's) house (12 blocks). She, being normal, wasn't dressed yet, althought she did offer to come get me in her nightgown.

I did call, and she had coffee waiting.

The mechanic says I need a new radiator.

Welcome to the new week.