This morning, as I was finishing up my bathroom routine, the 7 yr old kidlet peeked her earnest little face around the bathroom door, with a smile on it, and hiding something in her hands.

 

She was in her pajamas, which was NOT good.  I said “Why aren’t you dressed for school? We have to leave in like five minutes!”

 

Then, the fact that she was hiding something in her hands, partially shielded by her body (which was itself, partially shielded by the wall) finally made its way through the passages of my brain which were now activated by one very strong cup of Starbucks French roast coffee.

 

“What are you hiding?”  “Wait, come back here, come BACK here!”

 

She peeked around the door again, grinning and holding up a $50.00 bill.

 

“Is that a 50?  Where did you get a FIFTY?”  She ran. 

 

“Really, come back here.”  She did.  So I asked her why she had a fifty dollar bill. No answer.  She is scared now.  So I said “Honey, I am not mad at you, but 7 yr olds don’t normally HAVE a fifty dollar bill, so Meemaw needs to know where you got it from.”

 

Turns out, the other day, I sent her into the bedroom where my purse resides when I am at home, to get a five out to send to school for her upcoming field trip. She saw that I had several 50’s in my change purse where I keep my money.  She thought, in her 7 yr old way, that since I had several of them, I could CERTAINLY spare one of them for her.

 

Problem was, she forgot to mention it to anyone.

 

Now, I knew I was missing a fifty.  I am pretty careful with my money.  I don’t spend unnecessarily, and I normally don’t lose money.  I used to think my mind was going. It really worried me a lot, because, I was, in fact, losing money often.  Then, (as it turns out) I discovered that the junkie daughter was removing money from my wallet.  Imagine that.  So I wasn’t losing my memory or my mind. That did make me feel better about aging, didn’t make me feel better about my daughter one bit.

 

Of course, I called DH and said, “I am missing money again, ask her if she took it from my wallet.”  She denied it.  I let it go, because, well, what would I do?  She is pregnant and on methadone.  I already know I cannot put her out on the street, if she doesn’t get either heroin or methadone, she will lose the baby.  So, until we can find a program that will take her for residential treatment, I am stuck with her. She knows I don’t want her in the house, I know it, it is just what it is.

 

I took the 7 yr old onto my lap.  I explained that even though it SEEMED like Meemaw and Pappy had lots and lots of money, and could certainly spare a fifty for my oldest granddaughter, that, in fact, I had really needed that money.

I talked about stealing, and almost stealing.  I talked about her ‘joking’ me.  She tends to think that if her motives aren’t mean, that it is a joke, and not a sin.  Typical 7 yr old logic.

 

I explained that this week, I needed gas money, food money and money to buy medicine as everyone in the home is sick but me and the kidlets.  I explained that yesterday, when I went to the grocery store to purchase something for dinner and cat food, that I only had $27.00 on me, and was therefore, quite limited as to my choices.

 

Sigh. She said “But Meemaw, you and pappy get THOUSANDS of dollars a month.”  True. Not THAT many thousands, but true nonetheless.  I explained that to run our home takes 60 fifty dollar bills every month.  And that we needed every single one of them to keep things like water, gas for the furnace and dryer, and electric for the lights, TV, computer, etc working. That we didn’t get those things just because we needed them.

 

Reality rears it’s ugly head.

 

Then the baby, well, she went to her allowance jar and made me take ALL THE PENNIES she had so that she could contribute to the electric bill.

 

Tonight, I will sit her down on my lap and explain why she can keep her pennies, and if she insists, I will take them to mass tomorrow morning and give them to the church.

 

Oh, and I did apologize to the junkie daughter for accusing her.

 

And I have on MEN’s Levi’s today.  (smiling).

 

It’s raining and I am having an anxiety attack. Sometimes, I just HATE being me.