I haven’t blogged in awhile.  I go in runs, I guess.  This week has been one of those rather ambivalent weeks, you know the kind.  First you start off bad, then you get good bits, then bad bits follow, then, you smile, and it would be really nice if that cured everything, but it doesn’t.

 

I really despise weeks like this.

 

I have a theory that cannot really be proven.  I may have mentioned it before.  Whenever I am doing whatever the cosmic forces want me to do, call them God, call them the Powers That Be, call them whatever or whomever you wish….then things in my life go swimmingly, as it were.  The other side to that, is that whenever I take it into my little controlling head to, well, control my life, then everything is, as they say in the Army, situation FUBAR.  F’d Up Beyond All Recognition.  Normal.

 

I am missing spending time with the baby. The 4 yr old baby I mean.  Last year, she went to daycare in the same town that her sister attends school in, and the same town I work in. This year, without the child support that my son in law ISN’T paying regularly, I cannot afford daycare.  So, instead of having her with me in the morning on the drive in, and then in the afternoon on the, well, you know, the mayhem that is my afternoons….well, I just plain and simple miss her.

 

Today, I decided that I will go all the way back home, a half hour drive each way, as soon as I pick up the older kids from school and get her from preschool. Then, a half hour drive back for karate classes.  We have a tournament this weekend.  I think I will just start making the drive and picking her up every single day, because we really do miss each other a lot. She is acting out a bit, throwing fits and being very whiny.

 

Her mom moves this weekend. Finally. I cannot wait.  I do, somewhere deep down inside, love my daughter, or at least the daughter I used to have before King Heroin stole her from me, but I will NOT miss her being in my life and in my home.  I can’t take the whining and the ‘oh poor pity me’ party any longer.

 

Right now, I am BAR BLOGGING.  I am tired of being at the office, and yesterday, found a nice little bar called, of all things, ‘THE BAR’. The woman who owns it is a recent widow, she and her husband had the bar for years.  She is about 65ish and very nice.  It is a quiet place, and I am all in favor of a quiet place.  If I have a half an hour to myself, like I do today, a nice glass of cabernet or a nice mellow merlot and a quick visit is a nice way to pass the time.  I could, of course, be sitting in the alley behind the school waiting on the girls, but alas, this seemed like such a much better idea, and really, I think it is.

 

Today will be hell.  Pick the girls up at 2:35.  Go to pick up the baby by 3:30.  Run straight back to town to be at karate by 4:00 for classes.  One kidlet is from 4 – 4:30, then off to Burger King from 4:30 to 5 pm for dinner, then the other one goes from 5:15 to 6 pm. Then off to the school for a PAC meeting at 6:30 and basketball team open gym for the 2nd grader from 6:30 to 7:30.  Then, finally, after all that, home about 8ish and put the baby to bed. The 7 yr old is staying over with my oldest daughter and her 5 yr old tonight.  Then tomorrow, when I could be sleeping, but won’t be, a conference at the baby’s preschool at 8:45, then take the car to the mechanic because the power steering pump is going….going…soon to be gone.  Then off to work I go.

 

I have a grand total of $35.00 to my name right now and the cat’s need food.  Payday is tomorrow, but after the car payment is made I will have a whopping $40 bucks to last till DH gets paid on Tuesday.  Still, that’s not bad.  The karate tournament will be somewhat expensive this weekend, but the owner of the studio will undoubtedly hold a check for me over the weekend.  It’s all good.

 

I have certainly been much poorer.  And, much richer.  I can take or leave either one. As long as I have food and gas, I am good to go.

 

My oldest and her husband bought a house. Their first one.  It is absolutely gorgeous. I am very proud of her.  I like the house so much that I told her if her husband gets transferred, I will buy the house.

 

Our home is 4 bedrooms.  Her new house is 2 bedrooms. Do you see where this is going??? If we move in there, there is enough room for DH and me and the two girls, and the baby if we have to take custody of the baby in the event the mother doesn’t stop using heroin.

 

AND, no one can move in with us, because we WON’T have the room.

 

Whoo hooo.

 

 I am feeling slightly less stressed.  The past two weeks have been rough.

 

I found my nephew. Actually my daughter in law found him.  Of course, readers know that she was FIRSTLY my biological niece.  Now married to my step son.  She googled his name, and lo and behold, he had a myspace page.  We are now in touch and I have found and been found by my brother, (the one who is just a year younger than me, and admittedly my favorite), and his ex wife as well, with whom I got along famously.  It is nice to have regained touch after um..twenty years.

 

Hard to believe that you could lose touch with your own family for twenty years, but with my family as a child, that is just not unusual at all. Sad, that.

 

So, it’s Wednesday.  I have been better, and I have been worse. All in all, I am having a good week.

 

Keep your breath for Thursday all. <grin>