(this photo was deleted by me.  I checked my statistics and a porn site had visited.  that is so sad, so I do not feel comfortable sharing my beautiful grandchildren with my friends - I don't believe any of my friends are like that, but this IS the internet and accessible by all.)

You’d think, but you’d be wrong, that I cried. I had emotions, certainly. But trust me on this, after 25 years of putting kidlets on the bus, or getting them out of the car for their very first day at Kindergarten, I have finally gotten to the point where I feel only relief.

I know none of them has ever suffered a complete nervous breakdown over the event. I know that tens of millions of children have survived the first day of kindergarten. I know the school staff will take very good care of my babies.

Hard hearted old biddy ain’t I? :::grin:::

And, at the assembly on Friday, I saw all the shining faces of the kindergartner’s and their scared parents. Some looked like they were ready to cry just being at the assembly, and I am talking about the parents. As did I with my oldest, who is now 30 !

Some, with three or more children, and they were putting their oldest child in school, looked harried, frazzled and kind of happy.

I can relate to that. Speaking of the oldest, I just got off the phone with her. She just dropped off her only child for her first day of first grade. She was a little, um…not weepy, but definitely affected.

I could never home school. I have a lot of respect for those mom’s who do, but good grief! I remember that special on Discovery or TLC about the family with 16 (then 17) kids. She homeschooled. And looked like she was stoned all the time. She walked around with a beatific smile on her face 24/7.

Honey. Please. I am happy for you that you can do that. I, on the other hand, cannot wait for them to start school.

There is only so much you can do with a five year old who already knows her alphabet, can count to a hundred, surfs the internet (with appropriate security settings) takes care of her pets on Webkinz and Neopets, dresses animated girls on Bratz and Barbie.com; is starting to read, and can work the remote for the satellite TV system better than her Pappy.

She needs school.

I was a little nervous about public schools. This school is brand new, and they have total lockdown during the day. You can enter the school through open doors, but then the only place you can get to is the office. I approve of that. To go further, you have to be buzzed in by the school secretary. They have different drop offs for the different ages. The K-3 drop off (which covers both my kidlets, one in K and one in 3) is designated, and there are two adults at the curb where the bus stops, two halfway down the 20 foot sidewalk to the locked door, and two at the door to hand the children through to the teachers, all of which are waiting inside the doors to form the lines to go to the classroom. Very well supervised.

The classes at the private Catholic school were smaller. Well, you have to make compromises I guess. The public school is free, (except for the tax base) and the private school is $300 a month. On retirement income, that makes a difference. So public school it is!

We met her teacher who has only been teaching two years. She is single. And excited. And vivacious.

I like two kinds of kindergarten teachers. The young ones like described above, and the older, slightly um…rotund’ fiftyish ones who are the epitome of a grandma. They are comfortable to hug, give a feeling of security to at least my kids and usually are pretty soft spoken. They don’t put up with any guff from the students and very seldom get overwhelmed.

My baby babysat all three of the older grands the other night for us. After the Karate Testing, she had the 8, the 6 and the 5 year old, plus her other niece, age 3 whom she had just picked up from N.C. for the week.

DH and I had a wedding reception to go to. We were gone from 5:30 to 8 pm. Halfway through, the baby called me and said “When are you going to come home. I am going to put a bullet through my head.” ROFL

At the testing, two of the kids were outside the karate center, running up and down the sidewalk yelling and screaming and generally being kids. She was outside watching them. It was my 5 yr old and the niece from NC.

I walked out and said “HEY!. Stop that right this SECOND! Both of you, inside NOW and sit down or I will give you a time out!”

They immediately stopped, went inside and sat down. She looked at me and said

“How do you DO that, I have been telling them for 15 minutes to stop that and go inside, they just look at me and laugh.”

DH said I have a ‘look’ and a ‘voice’ that brooks no argument. It’s a mom thing I think.

I think the baby five year old will be just fine. She didn’t want to go this morning. I had to give her the pep talk. About being a big girl and how much fun school will be. It’s not a lie, but she at least has a few years ahead of her until the viciousness starts up.

She has performed at a Karate tournament in front of about 10,000 people at age 2 ½ so I think she will be fine. She has a tendency to be very quiet and contemplative when she is in a situation which is unfamiliar. She will cry after she sees me, and tell me all about how scared she was, but it is very important for a child to learn to handle strange situations and new things.

They tell you that now about babies too. They tell you to not run too quickly when the baby is about 3 months old and starts fussing. They say (I hate that term) that the baby has to learn to ‘self comfort’.

And, it’s quite true. I remember arguing with the latest pediatrician about the length of time you wait. I think about 120 seconds is fine LOL. She recommended five minutes. Yeah. Like I am gonna leave a 3 month old baby to fuss and cry for five minutes.

Get real lady. I have trouble waiting the 120 seconds! You are talking about the grandma who leaves a baby monitor in their room till they are graduated from high school LOL.

I think that’s one of the good parts about custodial grandparenting. I have, actually, learned a few things through the years. And, that helps a lot.

I have learned that taking a kid to church regularly will help them in high school when they are presented (okay, now grade school) with some hard choices to make, like smoke or not, drugs or not, alcohol or not.

I didn’t do that with the first two, and one of them went to drugs.

I learned that (see previous post) kids have to fail to know what it’s like. You cannot always tell them that everything they do is wonderful. You are not helping them to learn if you do that. Only say “good job” if it really was a good job. They also have to fail to find out why they must again try to succeed.

My second one, the now and sometimes heroin addict didn’t learn that lesson. When the oldest two were raised, I did everything the way the experts said to do. I was supportive, non critical, non judgmental and politically correct. I didn’t use the term YOU HAVE to do this, I always said “this NEEDS to be done” to allow them to make the choice.

What a crock of shit that was. Now, I am more inclined to say “GET YOUR ASS IN THAT ROOM AND CLEAN IT NOW!”

When my second one left for college, she was the star of her high school. She was the 4.0 plus student who was voted most likely to be working at NASA after college.

She got to college and was totally overwhelmed with everything. She didn’t have the discipline, the responsibility or the drive. She had never failed at anything. Everything came easy for her. Then, when the “stuff” hit the fan, she didn’t rise to the occasion. She caved. And turned to drugs and alcohol to make her feel better.

I will take some of that responsibility. I didn’t prepare her for the big, bad world out there. I didn’t let her fail. I didn’t let her make bad choices and then suffer the consequences. And then, when she did make bad choices as an adult, she had babies, and we protected (are still protecting) the babies from those bad choices. Only now, we ONLY protect the babies. We are now, 28 years later, not protecting the mom from the effects of her bad choices. Lessons to be learned are hard, even for us old people.

So, as her five year old starts kindergarten, she was put on the bus, by me, the custodial grandmother. I did not drive her to school as she asked. I told her that she would be fine. That her big sister would be sitting right behind her in the seat. I told her that she would have a great time in kindergarten. I told her that this was the first step in a long journey to adulthood, and that she would survive it. I told her she would love school, and that I was very proud of her for being such a big girl.

And, now, proving I really am affected, I will tell you truthfully, that as I write this down, and it is safe to do so, I am crying.

Go in peace. I have a house to clean now and 8 hours of a day to fill up with something now that I don’t have ANY kids underfoot for the first time in 30 years. What the heck am I gonna do?