Normalcy is Highly overrated.

 

I don’t think I have ever, in my entire life, been anything even remotely approaching, even in the vicinity of, or almost exactly, but not quite normal.

 

Ah.

 

Okay, I can accept that.  Lemme see.  Latest updates.

 

Pint, who has been going through a rough bit, is settling down.  I hope.  I don’t actually believe it, but I am hoping???

 

She is ADHD.  She wears the ‘patch’ which I like, I can take the patch off and within 45 minutes, there is no medication going into her little eight year old body.  If she takes one of the extended release pills, she is medicated for 13 hours.  I do NOT like that.

 

We did try to see if she could do without the patch this summer.  For three days.  What disaster that was…

 

Some children really do have something called ADHD.  Others, I believe, the parents just want them quiet.  I am not one of those.  Even on the medication, which is the lowest dose, she is a handful.

 

She is quite bright.  And very logical.  Except when it comes to what she wants. This kid, although I swore I would never raise an attorney, really needs to go to law school.

 

See, I did go and was quite good at it too.  And, I have (okay, used to have) this theory that kids should be able to voice their opinions and have said opinions listened to with respect.  After all, what better way to teach them about democracy and responsibility, right?

 

Well, that was then.

 

Now, well, at age 52, its more like a benevolent dictatorship in my house.  And, the benevolence is directly dependent on my mood.

 

Pint starts negotiating at the first word.  She has not been going to bed well at all lately.

 

Our routine is that at 7 we take baths, except on Mondays, which is late Karate days, and they go to bed sweaty and dirty.  30 years ago, I would not have done that.  I have since learned that no one puts it on the front page of the local paper….

 

“Incompetent parent puts two girls, ages 5 and 8, to bed with sweat on them, unbathed and without washing their faces and without combing their hair and putting said hair in the requisite (for girls) pony tail or braid to keep the hair from tangling in their sleep. Child protective services have been called…”

 

So, well, yeah.  You know, you’ll have that.

 

Anyway.  At 7, assuming that no one showed up at dinner time, assuming that I got dinner ready on time, assuming that their were no crises phone calls, etc., we get in the bath.

 

Baths are supposed to be relaxing.  A fun time.  A bonding time with your tiny little children.

 

On some planet.

 

I am rather like a field marshal.  Go and put your clean jimmies and undies in the hopefully dry bathroom sink.

 

I fill the tub ½ way.  Put the first kid in.  Wash hair.  Wash body. Rinse.  Do not repeat till the next kidlet is in tub.

 

Dry and get jammies on.  Into kitchen to hair combing station.  Comb hair.  Go and brush teeth.  Then eat snack.

 

Yeah, I know. That’s backwards. Get over it.

 

This is about when the negotiation starts.

 

Pint….it is time to turn off the computer.

 

She whines she is in the middle of a game.  I say too bad, it’s time.  She says I am mean.  I allow as how she is right, and turn it off anyway.

 

So, she watches TV.   I let her.  Now its 8 pm.  It’s time to get into bed.  She throws a fit.  I tell her just do it.  I am also putting ½ pint to bed, who thankfully, doesn’t do any of this.

 

The girls are allowed to watch ½ hour of tv in bed.  Then its snuggle time.

 

½ pint gets 10 pages of her Bible Story book, then I sing her three verses of the song I made up for her.  Then I kiss her goodnight and tell her I love her and she rolls over and goes to sleep.

 

Meanwhile…… Pint has been yelling for me the entire time I am in ½ Pints room.

 

I come out and tell her since she wasn’t quiet, she can wait for me to come in.  Then she starts.  (and, remember, this is at the literal top of her lungs…and, with real tears)

 

I love her sister more, that’s why I put her to bed first.  She is hungry. She needs a snack.  She knows she didn’t finish her dinner, but that was because I don’t love her enough to cook food she likes.  I am starving her. 

 

She cannot believe that her own grandmother would starve her.

 

Her life has been ruined.  She cannot go to sleep hungry.  She cannot go to sleep without coloring.  She has always wanted to be an artist and now I won’t let her color.  I am totally ruining the rest of her life.  Now, she will have to work at McDonald’s all her life because to be an artist, you need to practice, and without practice, no college will accept her.

 

Everykid at school will be watching this show on T.V. tonight except her.  She will be the only child in the entire student body who did not watch this program and will be made fun of on the playground tomorrow.

 

I am ruining her life.

 

I need to come right in and snuggle with her before she quiets down.  She has conducted a poll of all her school mates and she is the only one who has to be quiet before she gets snuggled.  She cannot believe how unbending I am. Not one other child who has ever lived has to go through this. 

 

By this time, I am headed for the either a nice glass of Pinot Noir or the xanax bottle.

 

I have sat there at the table, a mere um….15 feet away.  I have heard all of the above, and how she is scared of bugs, darkness (there is a 25 watt lamp on, next to her bed, it is not dark, and the monitor to the computer is still on and giving off light as well), how her pillow needs fluffed, how she has to go to the bathroom, it just goes on and on.

 

Finally, she quiets down, and in I go.

 

Now, she wants her back rubbed. So, I snuggle her and rub her back.  She goes to sleep.

 

It’s 10 pm.

 

So, yesterday, I told her.  Since your behavior at night is so horrid, we are changing the rules. Since I am a dictator, I can do that.

 

The computer goes off at 6 pm.  You get into bed at 7:30.  The T.V. goes off at 8 pm.  I will be in as soon as you are quiet.  For each 10 minutes of yelling or crying you do, your bedtime tomorrow will be 10 minutes earlier than it was today.  Your computer time will also be cut down by 10 minutes.

 

I told her this yesterday after school.  After she tried arguing, crying, threatening and anything else she could think of, the subject was dropped.  She tried. I did not participate.

 

Bedtime went the way I told her.

 

She wasn’t quiet while I was in with ½ Pint.  So, I didn’t come in right away.  I brought her a snack and told her I would be in when she was quiet for 10 minutes.

 

She fell asleep during the 10 minutes.  Sweet Mary and Joseph!!  I have loved this baby since the second she entered this world.  I hate what her parents did to her.  I hate that she has ‘issues’.  I hate that she has ADHD and it is probably the acid her mother took when she was 3 weeks pregnant.  I hate that she wears me out.  But I love her and cannot be harsh.  I just keep thinking that with consistency and love, she will eventually feel safe and secure and resolved to the fact that she will never be raised by her parents.

 

She knows, deep within her that she is so much better off here.  She remembers what it was like when her mother was using, and falling asleep holding lit cigarettes, while driving, etc.  And, yes, she had the children in the car while driving and falling asleep.  That is why we have the kids.  Things like that.  But, she is only 8 years old and has to come to grips with all that, yet.

 

From what her Therapist and Doctors tell me, this is all part of the ADHD Bermuda triangle.

 

It wears me out.

 

½ Pint decided this morning, after missing school for two days being sick, that she didn’t want to go to school anymore.  It’s stupid, her teacher is stupid and she is not going.

 

I explained to her that she no longer has choices about that.  The law says she will go to school, and go she will.

 

The State of Ohio passed a thingy called Kinship Care.  If a judge has awarded you custody of a biologically related child since July 2005 (a judge did), you can apply for something called Kinship care which is a one time payment, then 4 more payments every 6 months.  I could sure use the money, it’s not a huge amount, but I am going today to apply for it.  It will certainly help with expenses.

 

Their dad, who has not paid child support for I don’t know how long, my account on the child support website says he is $4,000 behind, is back in jail.

 

Pint has been missing him a lot.  He hasn’t called or anything.  I showed her his booking information (it is accessible on the internet) when she got home yesterday.  She was actually happy that now she knew where he was and why he didn’t call.

 

I told her she could write him letters.

 

I will read his replies before she does.

 

Another day in the Cracker Factory.