So there I was….

Happily driving along the little winding road, three girls safely buckled into the carseats, radio on country (they won’t let me listen to talk radio when they are in the car…grrrrr), and we are merrily going along to the school for the

Ta da

First girl scout meeting of the year.  The sign up meeting.  Oh Happy Day!

We get into little town on the way to school.  Little Town is our closest town.  It has a grocery store (just reopened 2 months ago after being shut down for YEARS.  It has a few churches, several bars, one gas station, one American Legion, a bowling alley which allegedly is still open although in the three months we have lived here I have yet to see the lights on, a HUGE bank which started in Little Town and just got bought out by a BIG bank….and a convenience store.

That’s it.

The speed limit in the beginning of Little Town is 35, dropping to 25 as you hit the bank area.  Traffic is backed up, which quite literally never happens.  We slow down, and realize that we are seeing Police Officers, which we also never see. They are holding traffic up so that the bank signs can be changed.  It is 5:30 pm.

As we sit, completely stopped in traffic, singing along to the radio, I am thinking, please don’t let this make me late to the meeting.

We start driving again, and get about 2/3 the way through town.  Out of nowhere, in the back seat comes that sound that I absolutely dread.

It is a high pitched screech.

And all three girls are doing it.

Continuously.

And, while they are screeching, they do not talk. They simply screech.  Any blog reader who has a small girl child resident, or remembers one when they were resident will know this sound.

It is the sound of ………

A girl seeing a bug.

And, it is extremely hard to drive with that noise.

Oh. Did I forget to mention, there is NO parking anywhere on the street in this town.  Not no parking laws, just no room to park, as it were.

So I am trying to communicate with the screechers. Doesn’t work, all I get back is further screeching.

Then, the kicking starts on the backs of the seats by three hysterical girls.

Hard Kicking.

Finally, seeing a place where the road widens slightly, I pull off, jump out of the car, have the presence of mind to run around the car to the sidewalk side, and throw open the door.

All three girls have already undone their seat belts and bail out of the car.

Now, they are all jumping around, hysterically screeching, crying, tears and snot running down their faces, waving arms and starting to RUN.

Grabbing them, I attempt to communicate again.

There.  Was.  A.   Spider.

And, it is still IN the car.

Well, alrighty then.  Let me whip out my Supermom Cape and take care of that spider.

What does it look like?  They all three describe the spider as white, extremely large and it had HUGE fangs.

Then Pint realizes that the spider had last been seen on HER shoe, and it might have

C r a w l e d  u p  h e r   l e g.

She immediately starts jumping up and down again, screeching and crying.

I cannot help it.

I start laughing.

I look, because, hey, a spider that big, you’d think you’d see a bulge or something in her jeans…LOL.

She is still screaming.  Do something MeeMaw!  There might be a spider in my pants.

I look at her, still laughing and say,

Well, then take your pants off.

She stops crying immediately, looks at me like I have lost my mind entirely and says, perfectly quietly and calmly

MeeMaw!  I can’t take my pants off right here in the middle of the street!

I took the carseats out, looked for the spider which of course, was nowhere, faked it, took of my trusty Birkenstock and killed a spider that wasn’t there.

Oh, the cops?  Nowhere to be found.  No armed officer to take care of the situation.

Back into the car we go, unwillingly, but I convince them that there is a car wash ½ block away, and we will stop there and I will completely vacuum out the car so that there is no way a spider could be in it.

We drive the half block.  Get out next to the vacuum.  I start walking to the change machine, telling them to DO NOT MOVE until I get back. Stand with hands on the car.

I get halfway there, and the screeching starts back up. There is a bee.  **sigh**

The change machine is broke.  I only can find two quarters, the vacuum takes three.

We arrive at the girl scout meeting, red faced, tear streaked, and only five minutes late.