There are just some things you hope do not happen of a Sunday morning.

I awoke at approximately 8:30 a.m.  Got up, stumbled out of bed, found my Birkenstocks which I had thoughtfully placed right next to the bed the night before.  Good then.  Grabbed my last pack of cigs which only has five left in it, grabbed and put on my glasses in the absolute hope that I would then be able to see, grabbed the celly, stuck it in the pocket of my sweats, stumbled around the bed, turned sideways to get between DH’s dresser, which is horribly too large for our bedroom, made the turn at the end of the bed, managed to avoid the Cardioglide which holds the dirty laundry of the last three days draped not so invitingly over it, looked down briefly to see if Monster left me any rather large presents on the floor (he didn’t), continued my journey around the bed, made the corner again, did not knock off the DVD’s stored on the shelf of the overstuffed DVD cabinets on that wall, stopped to try and step over Monster who sleeps in one of two places….either right next to my side, or right next to DH’s side, either of which is perfectly placed to trip over by a slightly not awake person, stepped over Monster who realized that I was awake and tried to get up just as my foot reached the other side of him which meant that I was now straddling a 180 pound dog, managed to not fall, (surprising both I and the dog), continued again  into the bathroom to let out the nights fluids so to speak.  Told Monster who had followed me into the bathroom to just hang in there.  He sits exactly 3 inches away from my face watching me urinate with a slightly desperate look on his face as if to say “Mom, I have to GO”….got up, navigated the next five feet to the back door, struggled with the chain lock, struggled with the regular lock, opened the door which sticks at the bottom corner, kicked at the bottom corner, took my foot backwards to stop the cat and the Chihuahua from getting out, and let Monster out.  If they all three get out together then the cat runs, Monster chases the cat and the Chihuahua just runs in circles and barks.  None of them get their business done. They have to go in turns and they don’t like it very much.

Turn just so, step over the cat and the Chihuahua, continue on the journey down the hall to the coffee pot which is set to go off at exactly 7:30 a.m.

My coffee is not done.  My coffee is not ever started.  My coffee, has let me down.

My coffee pot is a Melitta Mill and Brew.  You pour whole beans in the top of the little brown thingy that has blades in it.  Then you put the lid on the little brown thingy. Then you place the little brown thingy in the big white thingy called the coffee pot. Then you close the lid which snaps into place. The snapper has been broken for about 2 months.  If you push the white lid down, then the electronics can sometimes be fooled into thinking that the latch is engaged.  The lights will not come on unless you fool the electronics.  Usually, this is not a problem.

Last night, when I set up the coffee pot, I fooled the electronics. This morning, the electronics have apparently figured out that I fooled them, and were not happy about it.  Hence, no coffee.

I punched the top of the pot.  No light.  I lightly tapped it.  No light.  I stuck my hand down and held it.  No light.

Now, I am desperate.  I lift the white lid, push down the brown thingy, and replaced the white lid. No light.  I grab the heaviest coffee mug I can find and put it on the top of the white thingy. 

And, there was light!

The coffee starts brewing.  I wait, standing in front of the pot, watching it.

I need to clean the coffee pot out. DH hates the smell of vinegar.  The pot is very slow.  Brand new, it took approximately 4 minutes to brew a complete pot of coffee.  Now its more like, um, 20 minutes.

I jiggle the machine, hoping that it will sort of speed things up.

The heavy cup falls off the top of the pot, the light goes out, the heavy cup falls onto the spice rack sitting so nicely next to the coffee pot and hits the salt & pepper shakers which are resident on top of the spice rack.  They fall onto the counter, striking a shot glass (we use them for water to take the meds for the kids –sick people we are), the shot glass then shoots across the counter and into space, like, well, a SHOT!

Across the intervening space between the two sides of the kitchen, hits the opposite counter and rebounds back across the vast expanse to hit the originating counter and then smash spectacularly all over the kitchen floor.

Thousands and thousands of shards of glass all over the kitchen floor, dogs, cats, kids and a disaster waiting to happen and I haven’t even had one of my five cigarettes yet, nor even one small sip of coffee.

I need a new coffee pot, cigarettes, and a more relaxing schedule.  My gas tank is on fumes, I am out of money until Tuesday. God, I hate days like this.  I can’t even roll pennies, we already did that.

Last night, ¾ Pint and her Dad Cop were Christmas shopping, (Nursey and Cop actually plan for things like Christmas shopping and have the money to do so, unlike us) and they hit a deer.  Both are okay, but it was a long night waiting to find out if everything was okay.  They were afraid that ¾ Pint had ruptured her spleen, apparently that is a common injury when a child is in a booster seat, which she was.  Better than the alternatives.

We are grateful that no one was hurt. Well, it was a decidedly bad night for the deer.