Parenting is hard work. Even in your twenties.

The first kid is easy. Learning experiences and all that, but relatively easy. You rest when the kidlet rests, and have lots of energy.

The second child is a bit more difficult, especially if the first one isn't potty trained yet. But manageable. It's the third child that throws a monkey wrench into the whole works.

And so it goes as ¾ Pint joined our household.

Girls, are well, prone to hysterics. Girls ages 5, 7 and 8 doubly so!! And, they FEED off each other. One of them goes hysterical, then the other ones jump on 'hysteria highway' and go right along for the trip.

But, it is refreshing in a way.

I had thought that Pint and ½ Pint still had along way to go, behavior and emotional control wise.

I was wrong. They have come miles and miles and miles.

¾ Pint is a mess. A virtual walking, talking, raging, screaming, emotional nervous breakdown in a 7 year old body.

Makes me appreciate in a new light, just how far my girls have come!! They too were total wrecks five years ago. Well, not ½ Pint so much, she was an infant...But Pint, definitely!!

Most days now, in any given situation, Pint reacts appropriately, goes to sleep at night without toooooo much trouble (she has now gotten the later bedtime I promised her when she went to bed and sleep by herself for three days in a row!!), she is making friends, she helps out her little sister when there is a problem, she has a sense of humor, and doesn't get overly emotional anymore, unless it is, infact, an emotional situation.

She is now, a normal kid!!

½ Pint hasn't had too many problems, since I have parented her from the beginning. A few minor things, like just not living with your mother, but still 'seeing' your mother will do to a child. How weird, I say 'minor' problems like it's no big deal, but in reality, it cannot be easy for any child to be separated from their mother, being raised by their grandmother and having a mom with a drug problem, and a few other problems that go along with the drug problem, and having their dad, and then their step dad in jail. But, in the greater scheme of things, she is a delight to be around, sunny disposition, funny sense of humor that is way to old for her to have, artistic, self taught, and very loving.

I am truly blessed.

¾ Pint, is the most 'emo' child I have ever seen. She has witnessed way too much. Both her parents are Cancers, and even though I don't really believe in astrology, when two cancers to at it, it is NOT a pretty thing.

On top of all the emotional shit caused by her parent's divorce, (quick recap: town of 3,000 to town of 3,000,000. School of 10 in a classroom, 162 in entire student body of 8 grades to school with 24 kids in class, k-2 and 675 kids in student body; house to apt; parents as primary caretakers to 18 year old aunt as primary caretaker)....she also is the one with the severe case of 'gastroparaesis' which means her entire digestive tract does NOT work. Doesn't sound like a big deal, until you realize

a. most kids her age with gastroparaesis are either dead, or on a feeding tube, and she has one of the more severe cases.

b. it is a life long disease, with no cure and not much in the way of help

c. if your digestive system does not work, most of the other systems which derive their energy from food that is processed in your body, also don't work right...she does NOT get much nutrition from the food she eats, due to the disease.

yeah. so. anyway.

Yesterday, we had a total of like 8 meltdown's. All were dealt with appropriately, with compassion, humor and cuddling. Still, it takes one heck of a toll on an old woman.

Dave was mostly busy playing a video game.

Mornings and bedtime are particularly difficult.

And now, I watch my two girls, well, be compassionate. When it starts, they sort of hang back and give me the room to deal with 3/4 Pint, who needs me much more right now. They aren't bitter about it, they are understanding.

I am so incredibly proud of them.

Yesterday was a good day. She got right on the bus with no problems. Today, was a sort of bad day. The hysterics started right before my phone alarm went off to signal 'time to walk down the driveway'. She needed to puke. She needed to poop. She needed to call her Dad. She needed to call her Mom. She was frustrated. (we are trying to get her to talk about feelings, instead of react.) She needs Pappy to help her get through the day. I didn't let her hug Pappy. She was sick to her stomach. She has a headache.

My back tensed right up. My headache was all of a sudden RIGHT THERE.

I picked her up. Held her. Grabbed her coat. Grabbed her bookbag. She is crying, I want to hug Pappy. I relent. She jumps on the bed and holds onto the bedpost. I gently disengage her hand, pick her up, and out the door we go. She is crying the whole way. Down the stairs. Door shut. I put her down and tell her that she needs her hoodie on, its cold outside. She allows me to put it on.

We walk, me holding her little hand. All the way, she is sort of crying. I cannot do this Meemaw. I want my Mommy and Daddy to live together and I want to go HOOOOMMMMEEE.

I know Baby love I say. I wanted Mommy and Daddy to stay together too. But it is not going to happen. We have to accept it. I can't she says. I can't accept it.

I need my Dad to live with me. The bus comes, she asks if I will walk her up the stairs. I do. She gets on, the bus leaves. I cry going back up the driveway.

Right now, I hate them both. I want to beat them over the head and call them idiots. I want to tell them how much pain they have inflicted on a very small, very delicate child.

I want to tell them how fucking selfish they have been. How their inability to be adults has caused extreme pain to a little girl. How they need to grow up. How they could have worked it out, but now it's too late, and the damage to her little psyche has been done. And, it is THEIR fault.

Two adults who only thought of their own needs. Two parents who should have put the baby's needs first.

And mostly, I am mad at my own daughter. She could have made other choices that wouldn't have been so hard on the baby. But when they were suggested to her, she stonewalled them. It had to be HER way. She is like that.

But, she COULD have done it differently, for her daughter's sake. For ONCE, it could have been about someone else, instead of her. But no. She only saw the solution she wanted to see. And now, her daughter suffers.

Badly.

And HE could have helped more to make those choices. But she refused to have him in the house cause he was an asshole. (he was, then. They were both under huge amounts of stress, and she was a bitch.) She couldn't find a job locally that paid enough. He wouldn't help out. She had to move to Pittsburgh to get a job. It is too far to commute.

There are no good solutions, and perhaps I am just being hard-assed. Who knows. But it is MY grandaughter who suffers and I do NOT take that lightly. You do NOT mess with babies. You do NOT cause pain to babies when you have other options. That is part of being a responsible parent.

I lay this one right at her feet. It's her fault and she could have made it better. And failed to do so. Hard words. Hard choices.

But, I am her mother, and I have that right.